Thursday, April 10, 2008


Two things have been on my mind lately that have reinforced for me the transience of life's routines and that resisting this will only make me dwell on what I don't have and not on what I do have.

I am part of an absolutely amazing mothers' group that has been such a source of friendship and inspiration for my children and I. I feel more rooted right now than I have since I left my parent's home for college. Recently, one of my close friends moved to a far suburb of the city and I see her and her kids much less than we used to. Her son is a great friend of Jove's and they seem to miraculously exist on the same wavelength of boyhood. I miss being with her (and her sons) and it has made me realize that I have not usually been the one that sticks around, is left behind; I am usually the one who leaves.

My closest friend here in New York is also planning on moving and I am keeping my fingers that she doesn't go far. She is the first friend I made when I moved here and we have gone through early motherhood together. Another close friend is moving to Long Island and Jupiter and I are planning on moving to an area in the complete opposite direction and I can't help but wonder how often I can see her and her family once we have both moved. This past year at home with my kids and my moms' group has been magical and I feel a little melancholy that things are changing as people move, kids get older and go to school, etc.

I keep reminding myself of how grateful I am and I truly am happy to have my healthy family and great friends.

Miranda went on a mini-nursing strike this past weekend. It has resolved itself and she is back on the boob (YAY!), but it made me very sad while it was going on and it made me just think about how transient parenting is in general. I don't know if it's just me (it can't be), but motherhood has turned me into a total sap. I feel like Jove is so different than he was last year and I just want to hold him close, at this stage, but that isn't possible. I try not to think about the fact that some day my kids won't want me to smother them with hugs, kisses and tickling. Hopefully, they will be the only teenagers that want to be tucked in and hug me when they come from school. See, I'm a sap.


sunnywave said...

oh, i hear you on so many levels. my neighbor and i gave birth within a month of each other and we spent the first year bonding and laughing and pulling our hair was a sad, sad, sad day when they moved to a different neighborhood and instead of talking over the fence every single day, i maybe see her and her son once or twice a month. i hear you about time slipping through our fingers and getting caught up and focusing on wanting to 'hold onto' rather than sitting back for the ride. i think it's okay to feel sad for what is lost--to give it words and heartfelt meaning. doing that gives us the ability to see our blessings with even a bigger and sometimes heavier heart--but a fuller heart somehow.

Nanimal said...

what is good is that we feel that and we don't just go rushing through this only to stop when they are 10 and think - shit! I should have...

We are trying to be present and do what we won't want to regret not doing. ooooh such a hard thing to do.
And I am sure JOve will totally want to be tucked in when he is a teenager... ;)