Reality

I just recently found out that my leave from my job will be ending next winter and I will have to go back in February of 2009. I have been at home since last January and I have a little over a year to go. I feel really lucky that I have been able to be at home so long, many moms aren't so lucky. Its all or nothing for many working moms; stay at home and lose your career or stay at work and lose your mind. I am the happiest now I have been since I have had children because I get to focus completely on mothering and I also have time to reflect on my life. When I working full time as a teacher when Jove was young, I was in survival mode: eat, feed everyone else, grade, plan, maybe clean, spend time with kids, spend very little time on myself or with my husband. It was really not a lot of fun day to day, even though I enjoyed my work, being a mom, cooking, etc. I was just too busy, too much to do and I never felt very effective either at work or at home. Part of me realizes that I have to go back to work and I will have to find a way to be happy with two full time jobs and another part of me has started to ask the question, "What if I didn't have to go back to work?"

Humor me... What would I do if I didn't have to go back to work? Home school my kids; maybe have another child; grow a much bigger garden and can and preserve food for us; maybe get some laying hens; have good, loving energy leftover for my kids and my husband by the time 5pm roles around; read; exercise more; spend more time with friends; and maybe start to write.

So, moms out there, what would you do if you didn't have to work and if you aren't working do you want to work full-time? Are you conflicted?